Today, it has been one week and a handful of hours since my mom, Joan Knott suddenly passed away. After a vibrant active life, she is just gone, along with her warm smile, encouraging words (she always left comments for me here...anonymously....but I could tell it was her) and loving care for my growing family and I.
I knew after it happened that honoring her life somehow would be my next post, but I really struggled with an image and what to say. I didn't want to use a photo I already had, (although she had her favorites of mine) and knew I had to create something new, but had no clue as to what. Then I thought about just posting a photo of her, but realized that after more than a quarter century of making photographs, I had never taken a personal 'portrait' of her. I guess it never occurred to me to do so as I never thought she wouldn't be here. Now it is too late..... lesson learned.
The image today is one I made yesterday from her funeral flowers. She liked yellow and the unique, bending form of the Calla Lily was attractive to me, so I set up a small arrangement out by our pond and you see the results.
I wanted this post to reflect on her life, but now realize that anything I could possibly say here is woefully in-sufficient to begin to adequately describe the person she was to many and what she meant to me. In spite of the evidence before me, I cannot in my mind really believe that the edges of her life have now been set. The heavy hole that at times takes over my chest now is all the description I need and for some moments it is as if a deep well of tears has sprung from within me, robbing me of my thoughts for a time.
This second small photo that I have included is one that a friend of hers took while they were in a bush plane flying over Mt.McKinley in Alaska. If an image can contain a thousand words as it is said, then this loudly witnesses to her adventurous spirit and the sense of joy she had in living every day complete.
In short, she was a wonderful, cherished and inspirational human being who was greatly admired. Many have testified over this past week to our family what a huge impact she had on their lives. In spite of this tremendous loss I am thankfully left with a lifetime of memories and a wonderful family to comfort me and I know the sadness will someday turn to joy in seeing her again, but as of today, I really, really miss her and just want to turn back the clock.
